Proud To Be An American

It seems that more and more events are happening all over the world that make me more and more thankful that I am an American. My gratitude for this great country grew profoundly while I was a missionary living in Spain. I love Spain and I love everything about it. That being said, I am grateful that I was born here. I remember thinking that I would fall to my knees and kiss the American soil the minute I was back here because I loved and missed my country so much. I was so proud to be an American. It would bring tears to my eyes and pride to my heart when I saw the American flag and I thought about home. As I think back on those days, my eyes are flooded with tears again. Now my love for country is even stronger, my pride more abundant and my understanding of the sacrifices it takes to maintain this great land even deeper. Mine is such a small price to pay to live here and be free. I am grateful to my brave husband for being willing to serve our country. It's so common to say that we are grateful for the men and women who fight to protect our freedom. It's another thing to really think of what that means. To think of and truly see what life is like outside the US. Europe is in no way the same as the Middle East, and I cannot even begin to imagine what it's like to live there.

I thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can't take that away.

And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
'Casue there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

~My heart is full of gratitude~

"I Wanna Come Home"

My darling husband told me he is listening to Micheal Buble tonight. He is listening to the song "Home."

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

He told me that it fits how he feels right now and I couldn't agree more. I don't know if he knew this before now but when he was at Basic Training for the Army this album came out or I had just learned of it. I remember listening to this song thinking how true the words were in our lives at that point. We had only dated for two months before he left for Basic and I didn't date anyone while he was gone. For as long as he has been gone this time, was the same amount of time we were apart for Basic. It seems longer this time. A lot is different this time. Now I am not working 60 hours a week at an office to occupy my time with only small things to remind me of him from time to time during the day. Now I am home working 168 hours a week where EVERYTHING reminds me of him. His house, his cars, his clothes, his babies, his bed, his cologne, his everything. I see it every day and think of him 'too far from where I am.' At times it breaks my heart to think of what is actually going on. Most days I let myself smell his Polo or Banana Republic cologne and miss him for 10 minutes. That's all then I have to push it out of my mind. This is probably what most wives of military men do, if not I don't know how they get through the day.

While my love is listening to this song, thinking of us at home, I hope that he knows I am thinking of him, so far away. I long for his loving presence in our home, I miss his handsome face and ache for his strong embrace.

~I'll see you soon my Darling~

Round One: Katie

Tantrums. A mother's worst nightmare. Today, I was the lucky recipient of one. A bad one. As it usually is, it was over nothing. Honestly I don't remember what the issue started out as. I know how it ended...Of course now I am feeling guilty and sad that my little girl is crying with the zub-zubs. I wonder if all of the mom's I know who I think are so cool-headed and calm ever are challenged with a tantrum. Probably not. I feel like the worst mom whenever a tantrum ensues. A lot of the time I find myself so tired and out will to argue that I give in. I am sure that this is why her tantrums seem so extreme. Poor girl, I know she misses her Daddy and I know it's hard to be (almost) 4. I wish I had the patience of Job, sadly, I do not.
{Off to give my girlie some loves}

Dog the Bounty Hunter

Dog the Bounty Hunter wearing Roberto Cavalli, I LOVE IT.

Some people may stop reading my blog because of this post. I don't care. I have to say that the white trash part in me is in love with Dog the Bounty Hunter. I love everything about him. I love his mullet, I love his shirt unbuttoned to his stomach, I love his jewels, I love his tattoos, I love his boots, and I love that he wears Roberto Cavalli shirts. The thing I love most about him is that he in a very strange way reminds me of my dad. Before you die of shock, I have to say that the reason he does is because he is such a tough, strong man and he loves his family and that is evident. He loves his kids and that too is evident. He loves his grand kids and just kids in general, that is evident. I have always thought of my dad as the most manly man around, he can do anything, fix anything, knows everything, can build anything and so on. To me, he hung the moon. I have always thought that of my father. The thing that most resembles my father about Dog is the protector in him. My dad is SO protective of my mother, first of all. No one talks back to her or disrespects her in his presence. If so, you will pay for it, dearly. He is protective of his girls. He worries constantly and is always looking out for us. I know that if some disaster ever happened, that my dad would come for me and my girls because my James would be immediately called out. Those are the things about Dog that remind me of my dad.
I have been watching this show for four years, I am proud to say that and I have loved nearly every minute of it. I have been mocked for my love of this show and yet I still watch. The reason for this post today is that this week they had a special for the 200th show. There was a look back the season and then the 200th show after that. I cried watching this show. I know it's lame, but truly it touched me. Dog cries all the time. Even though he wears his sunglasses constantly and tries to hide it, you can tell he tears up often. It is very touching to see such a big, strong, tough and rough man tear up and cry about the most tender things. The births of babies, weddings etc. My father is that man. He doesn't cry often but his heart is touched often and I always know when that is and it's priceless.
I admire Dog and his family. They are compassionate to the people they arrest and try to help them as much as possible. They are this way because each of them have lost their way one time or another in their lives. They understand how it goes and don't judge. I have to say that I hope to be like the Chapman family in this regard. I can leave out the bad, terrible hair, gross nails and slutty clothes, but I wish I was more compassionate to others and was less judgemental. They do a lot of good in the world and I admire them for that. Way to go!
~Tune in next week~

The Happiest Girl In The World

We got a package from Daddy today. My Kate is happier than she's been probably since Christmas. He sent a Book of Mormon in Arabic I presume, cereal and gum for Kate and chem lights, she thinks those are the best things going.

Thanks Daddy! We love you so much.

These Are My Confessions...

First of all, Ursher, what a hottie. I know he spells it Usher, but all his close friends say 'Ursher' so I do because I like it. As my boy Ursher says "These are my confessions." Confession #1: This morning at 8:00 I made a chocolate cake with chocolate chips & chocolate pudding in the mix and topped it off with chocolate frosting. And I'm not even sorry I did. Period. Confession #2: My Kate is watching her second episode of Dora on TV while I am wasting time on the computer. And I'm not sorry about that either. Confession #3: My house is a disaster. I'm not even being dramatic about it. It honestly is a mess. The kitchen, family room, the girls' rooms and mine, all huge disasters. This I am sorry about because it seems like it never ends. I'm sure all mom's can relate to this. I so wish I could be like Bree Van de Kamp from Desperate Housewives and keep a spotless home morning noon and night but I am not, and probably never will be. There are hundreds of confessions I have that I could share but the first three aren't doing much for my reputation so I better stop here.

~Until I have another confession~

My First Post

Well I decided that I would make a blog for my thoughts and feelings right now. The reasons I want do this are that for starters, I type like the wind and I write like...well, slow. So I don't keep a journal. Second, I want to do this because I am slightly annoyed about Facebook and status updates. Sometimes there is something on my mind that I want to say but I am afraid of saying it because I don't want to offend anyone or say something crass or whatever. I also think it's a bit lame to put something on FB that you think or whatever because maybe I don't want 300ish people to read it. I don't know, for some reason I am not a huge fan of posting stuff on FB. Lastly, I will probably be brutally honest on this blog so I am warning everyone who will read this (probably just my sister) that it may get crazy or rude. I don't really think that FB is the place to be so honestly rude so I have decided that I will do this blog. I apologize in advance for anyone that I may offend but I will give an honest effort not to be too snotty. It may not last but I would like it to so I can keep record of what I am feeling.

In that spirit, I want to start my blog by saying only one simple sentence: I LOVE NAPS. I don't nap myself, I have a hard time sleeping during the day and it's a rare occasion that I do. I am talking about naps for my girls. I will be honest and say that I really look forward to when the baby naps. She is wonderful, so pleasant and usually so well-behaved. She truly is a tender mercy of the Lord. However, that being said, I look forward when she is sleeping so I can do some stuff that I want to do. Right now for example, she is napping and I am blogging. She has a good schedule right now where she wakes up at about 8:00 eats and plays then goes down for a nap at 10:00 and sleeps until about 1:00 then she is up, eating and playing again until about 2:30 then down for another nap until about 4:30 or 5:00. Up, eating playing again until 7:00 when she likes to go to bed. She usually sleeps through the night without waking up even once. {You probably want to kill me now} Her schedule is far more intense than Kate's was. She is very different from Kate. Charlee likes her naps, she likes her sleep and when she is off her schedule, she isn't very happy. I think that a lot of it has to do that with Kate I worked part time, so I was out and about a lot more with her. She was at various homes for babysitting and such so it was crazy that way. It is also very easy to haul around just one kid. This is not the case with two, it's much harder. Also with Kate I didn't really know the value of sleep. I am paying for that now with her and I feel bad that I wasn't the same with her as I am with Charlee. Also, a lot of what I do with Charlee has to do with survival. I would not be able to get up with her a few times during the night and still get through my days with sanity. I honestly believe that the Lord knows this about me and has blessed me with this little love bug so that I can maintain my sanity. I am grateful for this. My love is away and he is in every way my companion. He is the best father anyone could ask for and is so good to help when I need him most. He is away and I am alone so the merciful Lord blessed me with Charlee. I used to be the person that said "Oh I will never let my life around my kids' schedule." Uh, yes I am that person exactly. I have to to keep my cool. Adding that last "I'll never" is on the long long list of things I said I would never do that I find myself doing more and more. It's funny how the longer I am alive, the more I add to that list and I will probably never stop.

I am not planning for all posts to be this long. So here's to hoping that I can be brief.

~Until my next thought~